The one where Karma literally kicks me in the ass.

I am a work in progress. We ALL know that. If fact, we ALL are works in progress so there. I try to be kind, easy going, compassionate and patient as much as I can. And I teach the same to my students, which helps me if I ever find myself in a moment of frustration or anger or brattyness. I mean, I’m supposed to walk the walk, right?? Just because I’m not on my yoga mat doesn’t mean I should go all willy-nilly and be a crazy person. But alas, I do have my moments. Take today, for example. Great morning teaching yoga, doing payroll, going to the bank, getting groceries. Nothing stressful, easy-peasy. At the store (which is an insanely tiny health food market) I run into (read: bump with my hip) a lady who was bent over looking for hemp milk on the lower shelf. I apologized and smiled and she growls at me! No really, it was an incoherent mumbling growl. I wasn’t sure if she had something stuck in her throat and needed my help doing the Heimlich, or if she spoke some unusual foreign language and was excusing my hip contact, OR if she really did growl…! So I turned around and said, Excuse me? She replied (in perfect, ungrowling English, AND in a normal, kind of nice voice) If I wanted to talk to you I would have asked your name. … UM-What the..???? Okaaay then. Every time I turned a corner in the store she was there and would abruptly turn on her heels and go the other way. I went about my shopping and at the check out she was behind me. Watching. Staring. Frowning. Now understand that in no way does she look crazy, or mentally challenged, or anything that would make me kind of understand and excuse the strange behavior. She looks like a normal soccer mom. The check out girl is a new student of the studio and was asking questions about certain teachers, making small talk, telling me how much she enjoyed her class, etc. while she was putting the groceries into my bag. The woman in question kind of Harrruumphed. There’s no other way to describe it so just go with it. We both looked at her and she rolled her eyes and took a call on her iPhone. So I’m headed to my car and she comes out and backhandedly says, People have lives to live. Maybe you should make friends on your own time. Oh. Wow. I had a handful of two bags, my purse and my iPhone and I had just opened my driver’s side door. As I was leaning in to put my bags on the passenger seat I mumbled kind of under my breath and, well, kind of not: Or maybe you should just go and be a bitch on YOUR own time.

Right at that moment, my heavy car door that I had swung open with my foot just a teeensy bit too hard swung all the way back and hit me on my ass. Knocking me over. So that my legs came up from under me, my face planted onto my e-brake, and my groceries fell onto the passenger floor. AWKWARD. I pulled myself up and out of the car soooo ungracefully, and turned just in time to see her driving out of the parking lot laughing.

And that, my friends, is how karma kicks you in the ass.

Hindsight, of course, tells me that I should have been a wave and let it go, maybe she was having the worst day of her life, I don’t need to resort to petty, bitchy  retorts that make me sound like a 5th grader… Blah, blah and BLAH. But if the Universe works like how I think it works… She probably stepped in dog poop getting out of her car anyway. 🙂

~Melanie

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6 thoughts on “The one where Karma literally kicks me in the ass.

  1. This might be the most hysterical blog entry to date. Thanks for making me smile and literally laugh out loud.

    • Thanks, Stranger! Happy to put a smile on your face. Wish I could have done the same for Uber-bitch in the store… I mean, BEFORE she saw me faceplant myself into my car. Oh well. 🙂

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