Do you suffer from Restless-Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome?

Have you ever had moments where you feel so completely and painfully awkward, where you do and/or say something so stoopid that afterwards you berate yourself outloud shaking your head and going, ‘Really? Did you really just do that? Oh my gosh, you are such an idiot, what is wrong with you?’…? Well, I have done that so often that now the conversation with myself goes more like, ‘Ha, that was a funny one. Of course you just did that. Oh Melanie you slay me sometimes…’.

Well, here are a few doozies for you all to enjoy. And you wonder why kaleo calls me “Little Tomato”:

* As you know, we moved to Oceanside recently, which we love. The diversity, the sense of community, the beach, the funky little cafes, and …our friendly neighborhood working girls. One such lady of the evening happens to live/work on or somewhere near our street. She is very nice and always smiles and says hi and makes small talk while walking to her friend’s housevan down the block. This morning, our small-talk-mini-conversational-nicety went something like this:

Me: Hi.

Her: Hi there, how are you?

Me: Good, and you?

Her: Oh, can’t complain. No one will listen, haha. Are you enjoying this weather?

Me: Oh yeah, and you?

Her: Sure, sure. It’s nice out. I just love it when it’s sunny but cool. Are you heading out to work?

Me: Yep, and you?

(long dramatic pause… and a slightly shocked look on her face which promptly turned to a BIG smile)

Her: Uh… yeah Hun, I sure am. I better get back to the office. (as she turns around and saunters down the sidewalk)

Ugh, Awkward!!

* Sometimes in yoga class bodily things happen. Yes I am speaking of farts. Passing gas. Breaking wind. We just pay no mind, it’s all natural, moving on, blah, blah. Well, I almost lost my cookies one day when I think I was the cause of the ugh, erm… release. I am usually a hands-on yoga teacher, which means that I give adjustments while the student is in a pose such as downward dog or child’s pose. One of my students was in child’s pose on this particular day and I came over and placed my hands on her back, giving a gentle massage down the spine and then using the heels of my palms to press down on her lower back to ease the hips down to the heels. As soon as I pressed on her lower back, she pooted loudly. I eased up and then applied a little more pressure which caused another poot. I didn’t want her to think that I was grossed out or anything so I did it for a third time, and yes, she answered back. Poot. Why didn’t I stop at two?? I don’t know! I guess I was morbidly curious to see if I could make her do it again. See?! I told you I was awkward! By this time, other students were sneaking peaks out of their child’s poses to see who was doing the deed, and the poor girl with the working digestive system decided to just stay in child’s pose with her head down for a while… So awkward!! (sidenote: what’s even more awkward?? The fact that I typed the word ‘poot’. What is that?!)

*  While filming for the travel show recently, I was in the back seat of Eden’s BMW with the other girls and camera 1 was in the front. I was chatting away with the girls, catching up with them since I haven’t seen them in a couple of months. I proceed to tell them all about me sort-of-half-assedly-self-diagnosing myself with Restless Leg Syndrome. I was explaining that, well, I will do it this way:

Me (to the girls): “I used to always get annoyed with those dumb commercials for Restless Leg Syndrome on TV. It’s like, ‘Come on people, just stop moving your leg! Seriously.’. But… I think I have it. No I’m serious, I really think I do, in my left leg. I bought some homeopathic medicine for it to see if it works and I even looked it up online and RLS has a nickname. Jimmy Leg. Now whenever my leg feels funny Kaleo says, Awww Jimmy Leg… . It’s so embarrassing…”

You know, I was just making conversation. Well the other day I get an email with some of the rough cuts of footage. Yep, my Jimmy Leg bit is in there for all of TV land to see. *cringe* Oh well… Just call me Jimmy.

There are many, many more. I could create an entire blog dedicated to my awkward-ness. But I figure I will just throw a few out here and there for your enjoyment. I mean, even I enjoy laughing at me. But come on, make me feel better. What are some of YOUR awkward moments? We could even showcase some on Awkward Mondays. In fact, if any of you out there want to be a guest blogger and tell me about an awkward moment for next Monday, email me at melaniewassman@me.com

Have a wonderful week!

~Melanie

UPDATE: Some awesome Awkward moments from friends and family…

Comment from ALLISON:

Here’s a great awkward moment from yours truely—apparently my SUBCONSCIOUS thinks one of the doctors I work for is super hot because every time I get around him I turn bright red and get all nervous, today when I was talking to him (while turning bright red) he informed me that I should get my thyroid levels checked out because every time he sees me I’m glistening with sweat, shaky, and bright red—In my head I’m thinking “YOU are causing this, and I dont know why”  AWKWARD….

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8 thoughts on “Do you suffer from Restless-Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome?

  1. Micah tried to convince me that he had RLS when he was 5 , citing all the the symtoms on the commercial “you know mom, I always feel like I have to move my legs, like..they can’t stay still, they tingle, and I have a hard time falling asleep because I just want to run around, I’m sure I have Restless Leg Syndrome!!”….you guys should chat about it 😉

  2. Here’s a great awkward moment from yours truely—apparently my SUBCONSCIOUS thinks one of the doctors I work for is super hot because every time I get around him I turn bright red and get all nervous, today when I was talking to him (while turning bright read) he informed me that I should get my thyroid levels checked out because every time he sees me I’m glistening with sweat, shaky, and bright red—In my head I’m thinking “YOU are causing this, and I dont know why” AWKWARD….

  3. Oh my gosh Mel.. i just literally laughed out loud and nearly fell of my chair after reading your little bit on child’s pose and the poot.. my laughter got started and warmed up with the mention of the ‘housevan’.. hahahahhahaha u my friend are a very funny lady and again..for the umptenth time today.. I love you!

  4. HAHAhAHHAHAAhAHHAHAHAHHAHAHa!

    you- oh the plants are growing back, Nice! Have you read my awkward blog? me- No..
    you- Oh….

    I’m so glad you didn’t tell me and let me read it. That was so classic about your street cleaners. Wow I’m amazed with your words:) Love you!

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